You are one of God's mistakes, you crying, tragic waste of skin...

... And I need to kick this habit of using song lyrics as the titles to my post. Really. The lyrics from this title comes from Placebo's "Song to Say Goodbye". I've been listening to Placebo a lot, recently. Don't know why. One of their songs caught my attention and I went on a downloading binge. I also went on a downloading binge for Blue October and Oasis. Then I started on Def Leppard, Eric Johnson, Steve Vai, Joe Satriani, Frank Zappa and Stevie Ry Vaughan. I don't know why. Also, Joe Satriani doing Beethoven's 5th? So freaking hot. I like rock instrumental remakes of classical music. There's a few by... Malice Mizer, I think. Some Beethoven and Mozart stuff that they've done some amazing things to. Oh wait, not Malice. Amadeus. Some of their stuff is way out there, but the ones that are good go beyond good, they're amazing.

The Servant have such wacky lyrics. I was listening to Glowing Logos and just about had a heart attack laughing so much. I mean, seriously:

Glowing logos out my mouth they twist
As I head on into town
Above the pavement I gently seem to lift
As I take a look around
It gets lonely swooping around like a phantom
It gets lonely lost in the black of an ocean
So help carry on
Lead me to someone
To someone like me

The vacuum-sealed  acrobat vampire
A broken credit card he rides
Slow and majestic he bids the zombie choir
“Begin your hymns of genocide”
It gets lonely swooping around like a phantom
It gets lonely lost in the black of an ocean
So help carry on
Lead me to someone
To someone like me

I could touch you underneath your mind
I could touch you where your boyfriend cannot find
And you’d be mine
Oh you’d be mine
Ceremonies with ejector seats and drugs
Made my memory bow
And artificial stimulation rods
Made you pitifully slow-mo
It gets lonely swooping around like a phantom
It gets lonely lost in the black of an ocean
So help carry on
Lead me to someone
To someone like me

You’re just my barcode
Baby you’re my barcode
Every day
You’re just my…

I especially love the second and third verses of this song.

In other news, my brother has gone nuts. After not playing Guitar Hero for close to a month, he decided to buy a second "guitar" for me to use. All because I showed him this video. The intricacies of the male ego amuses me. But anyway, it fired us up and my brother is determined to move into Hard level as opposed to medium. Me? I don't give two shits. Right now I'm just trying to be able to get everything above 90%. But hey, I get to listen to great music while I pretend to play the guitar, what's not to love? 3s and 7s by Queens of the Stone Age is love. It's got wicked cool guitar riffs.

My dad is going on a diet. My dad. It makes me go 0.o I have no weird for the weirdness of that, except for the fact that it's for health reasons. That I totally respect. And weirdly enough, once my father sets his mind on something, he'll do it right. So if you see my dad having lost tons of weight? Yeah, you know why. My mum isn't starving him for no reason. :P

Speaking of my father, the family is planning on throwing a party for the father's 60th this year. Maybe rent a nice place somewhere, have music and good food and dancing. My brother suggested that we should have a theme of "60s" so music is going to be like that. And it's apparently going to be dress up fancy as well, which is just weird. It'll be smallish or so, not over 80 people (I love how I say that's small but I guess for my parents and the people they know, it is. So my dad's MCKK friends and Army friends etc.

My sleeping habit's gone way out of whack again, recently. I'm not sleeping before nearly seven in the morning, get up late, and I don't do freaking anything because I haven't felt like it. I need to, though. Have to write this paper for the gallery, find out information on curators of various museums in the London area... fuck. And I have my other job as well. You know, the one that actually pays me to do nothing. *sigh* I just want to go to college. Is that too much to ask for? GAH.

Oblique Reference is eating at my brain. Not only do I have the main story arc to write, but I wrote one side story, and I'm planning on writing a series of AU offshoots which crosses over to other stories in our universe, using my friends' characters. Cael is smug. Cael's also been talking to some of V and C's characters and I swear to god, reading our conversations, not knowing us or what's going on, will make us seem completely fit for the loony bin. I mean, how else could you see people who talk as though their characters are actually living, breathing people with active personalities who "make you do things"? And the objects of our imagination talk. To us, to each other. And they have distinctive personalities. It would make me worried if I didn't find it all so damn amusing. At least I'm not the only one with this problem. V and C seem equally unable to control their characters as well, and neither does M, from what I've heard.

It doesn't help me that Cael is a flirty manwhore who wants to jump on anything on two legs. *sigh* And he's a mouthy, irreverent, bratty, remorseless and just... perfection. *sighs* He's like the brother I never wanted, but am proud to have. Although embarrassed. Because the thing about him hitting on everything? Wasn't a joke. And it's a bit disconcerting to hear the running commentary in my head.

... I hate getting emails from my dad. They're all so terribly formal and UGH. AGH. I FEEL LIKE TEARING MY HAIR OUT. But damn if I'm going to back down from this. I've made my mind up. I'm going to fucking Taylor's, I'm going to do the ADP and I will fucking go to Cornell if it's the last thing I fucking do. *glares at email* See how you like THAT response. Shit!


NB: The response was more logically thought out and calmly written. And as stiffly formal as his. Why is my family like this, WHY?

My charade is the event of the season

There's something about the lyrics to that song that just gets to me.

Once I rose above the noise and confusion
Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion
I was soaring ever higher
But I flew too high

Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man
Though my mind could think I still was a mad man
I hear the voices when I'm dreaming
I can hear them say

...

Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know

On a stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune
But I hear the voices say

...

Carry on, you will always remember
Carry on, nothing equals the splendor
The center lights around your vanity
But surely heaven waits for you

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry (don't you cry no more)



It's mainly the verses that get to me. Plus, the guitar riffs are awesome.

I'm pretty caught up in Caellach's story. I wonder if I should write some shorts or drabbles around the same concept of the story, perhaps looking at Caellach's childhood or some aspect of "the incident". Maybe even a look at his and Fionnlagh's friendship.

Recently, I keep smelling sampoerna from my window. Usually I just think it's my brother since he smokes them and his room is next to mine, and I keep my windows open. But I know for a fact that he hasn't been to the house for a while, and I'm smelling sampoerna now. None of the night guards smoke them, either, so... big mystery.


Also, why the hell am I listening to Barry Manilow? It's on my current playlist along with The Carpenters. Then again said playlist also contains Jamiroquai and Patrick Wolf. Changed layouts for both my writing and RL journal on LJ, and the title to this one. Dreaming in Abstract. Seemed somewhat apt. If I ever write an autobiography, it'll be titled "Coffee, Cigarettes and Notebooks". It kind of seems to be the theme of my life, especially the author part my life. The coffee and cigarettes are everything else. Or perhaps I should change the coffee to Mango Passionfruit Frappuccino... or Milo Ice. But it doesn't quite have the same ring to it.

If I ever get another tattoo, it'll be an ouroboros. This one, to be exact.




This familiar image of the serpent biting it's own tail is meant to imply infinity. Or, possibly, eternally being stuck in the material cycle.

Never say I don't have meaning in my tattoos. I mean, the quill and the "Et in Arcadia Ego" all have perfectly meaningful meanings to me. Quill to signify my dream of being a writer, the quote from Nicholas Poussin, a French Renaissance painter and meaning "Death is present also in Arcadia", which I took to mean that there is bad with ever good and vice versa.

Since this post so far has been an exercise in pointlessness, why not just add a little list. Little known fact about me:

1. I smoke a lot. Yes, we all knew that, but did you know that my morning cigarette consists of my smoking in the shower? As I take said shower? Well, now you do.
2. I like stiletto heels. I wear them. People seem to find this strange, I don't live in converse though it might seem as though I do, but not so much recently.
3. I don't actually like writing poetry. Hence why I do it not so often. But sometimes I get the urge to put pen to paper and not just ramble on about myself or my random thoughts, or write pointless bits of stories that I never finish. However, I get very, very frustrated with my own perceived inability to write poetry.
4. I have an obsessive personality. Yes, we all know this as well, but it extends beyond men, oh the shock and horror. I have a leaning-on-OCD obsession with my stationary. I only use one corner of my eraser at a time. If someone borrows said eraser and uses a fresh corner, I get a little freaked out and pissed off. I also buy a few same type of pens in the same colour and number them. Because I like to use up one pen at a time and if someone needs to borrow my pens, I give them one that I've already used (usually the one I was writing with at the time) and use a new one myself. I don't like giving people my new, unused pens. My obsessive personality also comes out in Photoshop. I tend to spend ages and ages making sure details are right. Like, if I'm using another layer to change the colour of a photo or something, and want only one aspect of that photo changed, then (taking the example of hair) I make sure to go around every single goddamn strand of hair if possible, so that it looks as authentic as possible.
5. I fully support gay relationships. I don't see anything wrong with it and it gets my hackles up whenever someone says derogatory comments about said relationships. In fact, I'm a fan of the gay. In fact, I read gay fantasy fiction.
   
6. I has an obsession for the Japanese things. Like their music (rock, because JRock rocks the motherfucking Casbah), their TV (JDramas are much fun), their comics (manga, how I adore thee) and their cartoons (anime, shall I compare you to a Summer's day?).
   
7. While I have guy-ish tendencies in my choice of movies, I simply cannot take horror movies. I'm a wuss. Anything to do with ghosts and psychologically freaking me out and I bail. But I freak out quietly because I hate having other people see me weak.
8. Has to do with what I said in point seven. While I hate to be perceived as weak, I cry quite easily. I hate it when I do, but hey. Also, I fake tears pretty damn well. I can cry on will. I have freaked out my brothers and sister many a time due to this.
   
9. Although I bemoan my being single like most girls, I actually have intimacy issues... okay, that's not quite right. I have commitment issues. I'm very skeptical about declarations of "I love yous" and the like. I pretty much take it for granted that whatever relationship I get into is going to end anyway, especially at this point. Although I'm a romantic at heart, I'm cynical about my contemporaries' relationships.
   
10. I'm a believer of trying things out before you decide it's not for you. And aside from my seeming tobacco addiction, I dislike it when people fall to so-called "addiction". I believe that if the strength of will is there, any habit is possible to break out of. As such, people who use inebriation as an excuse for their behaviour I have absolutely no sympathy for. If you say you couldn't keep your goddamn panties on because you were "too drunk", screw that. If I could do it, I'm pretty sure other people can as well.
    

And that is it so far. Lord, this was an exercise in the useless. Go procrastination, I'm only a day behind schedule for posting up the next part of Hellhound fic. Despite the fact that over 1000 words of that had been written last week. Shit.